I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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