Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
