I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize