apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
