At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
