I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
