I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
