I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
