Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
