does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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