My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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