just tell him i said nine months
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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