is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
