I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
