My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
