in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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