Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
