Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
