Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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