I can tuck mytits in my pants
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
