if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
