I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
