somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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