I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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