"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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