come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
