No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
