meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
