the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
