I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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