I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think your dad took our porno
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
