By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
