i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
