guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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