Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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