I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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