And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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