It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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