I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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