that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
