I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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