It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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