hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
