So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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