He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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