Apparently you make a good broom.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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