When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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