How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
