So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
