I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
