I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
