I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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