I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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