she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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