I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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