I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
