fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
