I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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