I smell stomach acid.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize