So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
