I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
