remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
