this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
