words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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