Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
