??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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