I wish I could punch you in the face.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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